Just a few years ago I was jobless, depressed, and had little to no self worth, and now it's been a month since I've moved into my apartment with my coworker/friend.

I used to struggle to think of thing I could ever have that was seen as an adult thing to have. I had no idea what I was going to do after high school, I had so little self-worth and self-image that I couldn't imagine being invested in life enough to have a job. It was as if I didn't think I deserved it or could do it. It made me sick to my stomach and often made me think of suicide. I hated that I couldn't just get up and do it. It wasn't until my grandmother passed away and I spent a week with my parents traveling to Colorado to spread some of her ashes. That trip was just what I needed to forget everything I had told myself and just pretend I was another person.

I applied for a job at a local factory and when I was actually hired I couldn't believe it, I was so happy and thrilled. The battle had not been one yet though. Having a job gave me some self-worth but it didn't just magically fix everything. I still got sad, hated myself, and frequently wanted to give up. But I didn't. You see, getting a job set in motion so many other things, because I was working 40 hours a week I wasn't given that extra time to overthink and sit in my bed, instead I spent my time and energy running presses at work. Then, when I would get home I would either sleep or spend time doing things I liked, like playing guitar.

From there I was able to actually message people to hangout and when that started, I really started to live more. I had so many fun experiances and good times just drinking, getting high, and hanging out. Eventually I moved in with one of my buddies at his place, he has a fairly big place and I was already over there so much that his parents just figured I could live there.

Eventually, as is allowed, I began to get sad and depressed again. Relationship and girl problems made me begin to give up. I quit my job and moved back with my parents, where I began to revist the old issues I had. After a few months I applied at a job I had been reccomended many times. There I work with people I've actually known for many years, I get paid a decent wage plus travel time. The hours a bit insane but I get really good overtime and I actually love what I do.

It's okay to get sad sometimes, it's human. It's good to let yourself feel, it reminds you of how important that good things in your life are. Without them, there'd be more sadness. The thing about it is though that you can't let yourself dwell in it too long. You have to be able to pull yourself out of it and keep moving forwards. We're humans, we make mistakes, we mess up, other people do things that affect us. It is and always will be a part of life, and that's okay. It's not always pernament, hearts do heal.

In just these couple years I have accomplished far beyond what I thought was possible. If the younger me could see exactly where I'd be now then I know I would have stopped worrying so damn much and just started to do better earlier, but I can't go back and let myself know, I can' only focus on the now and keep on like I have been and accomplish even more and help others realise that the same potential that I manged to pull from seemingly nowhere, can be done with them too. It just takes time and work, everybody is different at how they get there, not if they can get there.

I attempted suicide four years and three months ago. When I look back at all that time I've had since then I know that it was not wasted, that each moments I spent with working, with my friends, or with my family, it was all worth it. Every good and bad second. There are many things I would do differently if I had to do them again but I have no regrets, and even if I did I wouldn't spend any time sulking in it.